Football Crazy

A man had two tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down, a man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the next seat.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was    supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No", he said, "they're all at the funeral."

Supermarket Sweep

I was quietly fuming in the “Up to Six Items” lane at the supermarket. Completely ignoring the sign, a woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out queue pushing a trolley piled high with groceries.
          Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned to the woman,  looked into the trolley and asked sweetly, 'So, which six items would you like to buy?'